Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Don't Do It, Stephen!

Dear Steve (or, as I know you prefer to be called... The Right Honourable Stephen Harper, Prime Minister of Canada, Member of Parliament for Calgary South West, Member of the Queen's Privy Council):

Don't Do It.

I know that there were lids basically FLYING off of tetra-packs of Apple Juice at 24 Sussex last night as the results from Quebec came in. Well into the night, the ADQ showing in the Quebec Provincial Election gave you reason to get excited about your chances there given the current climate. I'm sure you may have even heard numbers like "40 Quebec Seats" thrown around as estimates of what you might be able to capture the next time you hit the campaign trail in the quest for that elusive Majority. And, as the strategist you're known to be, I have little doubt that you had a different plan for virtually every possible permutation of popular support numbers coming out of Quebec's election, and will likely stick to that plan no matter WHAT I ask of you.

But I'm asking anyway: Steve, PLEASE don't touch the red button.

I'm not going to cite potential or active investigations against a former leader and current MP in your party, or of last campaign's chair. I'm not going to bring up that many of the ADQ votes were, in fact, cast by people who were sick of 30 years of being forced to either vote for crooked Liberals to run their province or Separatists. I'm not going to bring up the fact that the main-streak media is basically frothing at the mouth for an election, giving you all the reasons in the world not to have one. I'll avoid talking about the likelihood that you could do even BETTER in Quebec if you wait for Duceppe to resign in a quest for the leadership of the PQ. I won't talk about Caledonia, Afghanistan, Income Trusts, poll numbers that swing by huge margins in less than a week, traditional Liberal voters who feel their party has been sufficiently punished and will now vote for them again after holding their noses and voting Tory or NDP last time around, hockey playoffs, or anything else that might cause some of the millions that cast their ballots for the CPC to stay home this time around.

No, Mr. Prime Minister, I'm just asking you to think of one thing:


Stephen, *I* need you to hold off on this election.

I'm going to be frank with you: I need some time off. I know that as a hard-core Leafs fan, you might be unable to understand this, but last spring and summer, while my beloved Oilers were in what we call the "playoff hunt", and actually advanced to something called the "Stanley Cup Finals", I had what could charitably be called a LESS than productive work and home life. I'm PRETTY sure I still have dishes under the couch. After the playoffs came the busiest time of my year for one job, and the the busiest time of year for the other job. Then the Alberta PC Leadership race. And since that race prompted me to join the blogosphere, casting light onto the millions upon MILLIONS of desperate souls yearning for a beacon of enlightenment in their otherwise vacuous political lives, I've had budgets, cabinets, and all manner of issues come up.

Thankfully, my Oilers have made my burden lighter this year, for which I (and hundreds of thousands of other Oilers fans) am clearly and eternally grateful. Now I am asking the same favour of you... PLEASE, Stephen. On behalf of all of my undone chores, my 3 foot-long "To Do List", and my relationship crumbling under the weight of the fact that I LIVE for this stuff and she can't STAND it, I beg of you: Give me a few more months. Aim for autumn.

Don't do it to let the investigations blow over. Don't do it to sort out the First Nations mess. Don't even do it to improve your electoral chances by giving Duceppe a chance to bolt and Dion a chance to mis-step.

Do it for me. The Enlightened Savage.

1 comment:

pumpernickel said...

Enlightened - LOL. Good post.